2022: Slightly Romantic Comedy
Here come the end of year so let me write and bit contemplate. I started this year by defending my diploma thesis and got excellent result (Yeay!). I was so happy no more study and just enjoying life by just work, gym, and relax. My brother came to stay in Prague for about a month and we travelled around Czech Rep. It was really refreshing to have my family here after I was trapped because of Covid-19 and can't see them.
Then, I went home on Spring for two months. Finally can celebrate Ramadan & Eid Al-Fitr with whole family in Indonesia. We also travelled to some islands and I did many adventure activities that I can't do in Prague (snorkeling, surfing, swimming in the sea, islands hopping, sailing, etc). I visited many restaurants and ate all my favourite foods and snacks in my hometown. So so happy!
While celebrating my freedom in my country after finishing my master degree, my Mom asked my promise that I will start date again after I finished school. Ugh! I mean, yeah.. actually I made those promise just for an excuse back then (sorry, Mom). But promise is promise. Then I confused, it's been a decade since the last time I had a boyfriend. The other love stories after that just dysfunctional-complicated-long-term relationship that made me questions myself, does a relationship worth to have for my future life? As Summer said, “Relationships are messy, and people’s feeling get hurt. Who needs it?” (500 Days of Summer)
I'm happy with my peaceful single life between work, travel, gym, books, writes, and small circle friends. How's dating rules nowadays? Where should I start? Most my friends on my age are married, how can I ask for their networking? Can they help me as matchmaker? Then my Mom said, "Try Tinder."
They said summer love is fun, so I installed a dating app and started the journey which until end of year made me complained to my best friend,
"Why my love life always a misery?"
"Actually, I saw your life now is like a romantic comedy," she responded. "It's because you're the main character so you cannot see it. I'm the one who see your life closely, it's totally romantic comedy."
I tried to see from her perspective. Hmm, maybe yes. I dated a guy who blabbered about financial and investment stuff without he knew that I knew much more than him (I studied finance). I dated a cute-shy-awkward-polite boy who treated me really well but he apologised after I rejected his intimacy request. I dated a father (divorce) of 11 year old daughter, which seems like I was more fit to be his daughter too. I dated a smart-polite-nice guy who talked a lot about history and politic of Czech Republic (yeah, I wasn't big fan of politic, sorry). I dated another guy who complained about his daily life too much (really, too much) and in the end made a racist joke about my brown skin. I dated a former basketball player with 202 cm tall who made me feels like a dwarf and hard to keep with his steps while we walked at the park. I dated guy who prefer skycrapper than beach and mountain (different taste of travel, so nope). I dated a hot-athletic guy who claimed he loves cats, but when I invited him to see my foster cat, he said "It's not a pussycat that I want to see." *me: facepalm*.
I was also joined a speed-dating which reminds me when I was studied in my MBA and need to practice elevator pitch to get investor for a start-up company. Imagine 10 ladies and 10 gentlemen met in a bar. I had chance to met all the 10 gentlemen and talk to each of them only for 5 minutes!
Then another guy, another guy, another guy. A scientist, a teacher, a software developer, a chef, a project manager who works with chandelier designer, etc. Yes, that was a lot! I felt like collecting data for statistic purposes.
I met someone special too. Although in the end (still) we aren't together, he's a wonderful person whom I feel grateful that he came to my life. In our short period of time, he gave me nothing but happiness. We had nice lovely time. It made me realised that yes, a long-term relationship with a nice person is worth to have for future :).
So, what I learn from this romantic comedy life? Well, now I know my type; smart, non-smoker, not racist, same age or younger, someone who has huge understanding that most of the time when I was so emotional it didn't mean I hate him or want to hurt him, it was because I sad or hurted (because of other thing) and need a hug or simple question "What happened?". Communication made dating efficient (I want this, he wants that, okay we want different things, let's end or be friends). Love yourself first. Always.
I still have issues from the past that most of the time made me nervous or worried to have a new relationship. I often think dating isn’t worth it if it only revealing my painful memories. What if this, what if that, am I wrong, what should I do, am I really want it, etc. I know lot of theory to manage them from hours of counseling. But still though, in reality, dating was wild and could made my brain messy. Sometimes it will hurt the man, which made me feel guilty. Well, I'm still human who made mistakes. I'm not always sweet Thia. I learn to ask for apology and forgive myself too.
I know I shouldn’t judge my future by what has happened in the past. I know that I am a kindhearted woman who has ability to love and care a lot. Although in my previous relationships this personality gave me pain in return, I still choose to be that me :).
But well, I was really brave to try dating again and I’m proud of myself. Letting my personal space (in my mind, my heart, my time, my flat) to be visited by stranger men wasn’t easy. Am I gonna continue dating again as new year resolution? Hmmm.. I don’t know. There was me before all these men, who can enjoy being on my own.
I always see my life as whole which consists of parts that gave value in my life; family, friends, career, education, hobbies, etc. If I can find a man that we can share value added and build healthy relationship, it would be lovely. Isn't it nice to have someone you can consistently share your grow up process and support you? :) I guess I’ll take it slow and no rush to look for those type of relationship. Good things take time. I just hope it's not gonna change genre to horror or serial killers documentary.
Ps. I tried & learned different thing again this year :)
Barca, 30.12.2022. Happy New Year!